I woke up one morning to find a bear on my roof so I looked in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an add for "Bear Removers."

I called the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, .50/90 Sharps rifle and a mean old pit bull.

"What are you going to do?" I asked him.

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.

When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He then hands the gun to me. "What's the rifle for?" I asked.

He answers, "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"